As it now stands, students have powerful images of what a perfect body is and pursue it incessantly. But deprived of literary guidance, they no longer have any image of a perfect soul, and hence do not long to have one. They do not even imagine that there is such a thing.

No time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow. -Irish Proverb

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

No time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.

MY APPETITE IS MY SHEPHERD (POUND 23) My appetite is my shepherd; I always want. It maketh me sit down and stuff myself. It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly. It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper. It destroyeth my shape. Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating For the food tasteth so good. The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me. When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in. As I filleth my plate continuously, My clothes runneth smaller. Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow me all the days of my life And I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever.

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed" and "aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "This is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day; and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven! You play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter explained, "That's the best part--you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven!" With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Physical exercise is good for you. I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that that will keep you fit as a fiddle. Do each of these at least once daily, with meals. * Beating around the bush * Pushing my luck * Climbing the walls * Swallowing my pride * Passing the buck * Throwing my weight around * Dragging my heels * Jumping to conclusions * Making mountains out of molehills * Running around in circles * Eating crow * Tooting my own horn * Putting my foot in my mouth * Picking up the pieces What a workout! I think I'll exercise some caution now, and sit down.

It's time to go on a diet when: You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side." You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth. You go to the zoo and the elephants throw peanuts to you. You put mayonnaise on an aspirin. Your blood type is Ragu. You could sell shade.