These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.
There can be no doubt that every man is exactly as close to God as he wants to be.
id: 450 | source: A. W. Tozer | tags: Holiness, Righteousness
More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
There was this magician of some repute who was hired to do his act aboard a cruise ship. He had been there for several years, and since the crowd was in continual change, he did the same act over and over. He enjoyed the good life in this sinecure, spending most his time out on the Promenade Deck working on his tan, not new tricks. One day the Captain bought a parrot, and over the months brought the parrot with him to see the nightly magic show. Being a smart parrot, the bird learned all the tricks as to where the cards, flower, ect. were hidden by the magician in his act. The bird would say, "the card is up his left sleeve, the flower is under the pot, he hid the money under his shoe..." Because the parrot would only take about a week to catch on to his magic tricks, the magician was forced to continually learn new ones, which was getting harder and harder by the day, and really cramping his "sun time." To put it mildly he HATED THE DARN PARROT, but since it was the Captain's he couldn't just weigh the bird down and deep six it. Late one night the engine room exploded and the ship sank within minutes. Miraculously, the magician found himself clinging to a timber, floating in the water at 0200 dark in the morning. Alas, he was the only one left alive! As the sun came up the next morning and he turned around what should be sitting 20 feet away on the opposite end of the log - his arch nemesis, the Parrot! They glared at each other and said nothing. This went on for three days and neither said a word, just glared. On the Fourth Day the Parrot finally broke the silence and said, "OK! I give up - what did you do with the ship!"
id: 712 | source: Anonymous | tags: Humor, Persistence
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to
ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,
"They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own air fares ... Now what
do we tell them for Christmas?
Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow. -- James A. Michener
id: 2343 | source: Anonymous | tags: Discipline, Procrastination