Glen's Quotes Db (3169 total)

Things You Never Would Hear Your Jewish Mother Say: "Be good and on Hanukah I'll get You a BB gun!" "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back." "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve." "Let me smell that shirt - yeah, it's good for another week." "I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity." "Yeah, I used to skip school, too." "Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house more cheery." "Could you turn the music up louder, so I can enjoy it, too?" "Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!" "Aw, just turn these undies inside out. No one will ever know." "I don't have a tissue with me - just use your sleeve." "The curfew is a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm watching the clock or anything." "Well if Timmy's mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me." "Sorry. I only have white bread for that baloney sandwich."

To the Owner of the Extremely Loud Bass, I have to get up at 7:30 tomorrow and your music is driving me out of my mind. I felt compelled to write to you and try to discuss my feelings on this issue, having exhausted every other reasonable alternative; I've tried kicking on both the ceiling and the walls, while moaning loudly, but the responses in each circumstance gave me to understand that my neighbors are not the producers of this horrible, horrible noise. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel used, I feel vulnerable, I feel more than a little psychotic. . . Please turn down your music. Even better, just turn it off. I realize this request may seem offensive considering that we're not personally acquainted -yet- but on many levels I feel as if I already know you, because I've been lying in bed envisioning various ways of maiming you for about an hour now. It's unlikely that I would be able to carry any of them out because most of the weapons I was thinking of using would be difficult to construct, also you're probably stronger than me, but I urge you not to think about that, and still be moved to some degree of respectable fright when I conclude that: You don't know me. You don't want to know me. Just turn it off. Jessi

Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from poor judgment.

Two years ago I wrote among sixty-seven articles one, the eighteenth, on the Eucharist, in which I wrote many things with a view rather to the times than to the thing itself. For not even Christ could praise enough the faithful steward of His word who in due season sets meat before the household of his Lord; of whom He speaks with admiration in Matt. 24:45: "Who," that is, how great, "is the faithful and wise steward to whom his lord hath entrusted his household to give them food in due season?" I determined, therefore, unceasingly so to dispense the word as to reap the greatest harvest for my Lord. For who would not cast off a servant who should proceed to plough the ground in the dead of winter and to sow seed in it? These things are to be done in the spring time. So I made many concessions at that time to the tender minds of those for whom I wrote, but all for their edification. After the example of Christ I distributed and kept in store as well; for after He had instituted the Eucharist, He said [Jn. 16:12-23] that He had yet many things which must be told to the disciples, but they could not bear them then; therefore He determined to keep them until the coming of the Holy Spirit. When, therefore, kind reader, you come upon some things here which you have not seen in my earlier writings, or some things said more plainly here than elsewhere, and some things said differently, do not be astonished. I did not wish to give food when the time was unseasonable, or to cast pearls before swine [Mt. 7:6].