These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.
Immaterialty of the soul. When philosophers have subdued their passions, what material substance has managed to achieve this?
Today is a gift--that's why they call it the present.
Give each letter of the alphabet a number, a=1, b=2, etc.
If you add up the letters of the alphabet in the word "Attitude"
this is the result:
A = 1
T = 20
T = 20
I = 9
T = 20
U = 21
D = 4
E = 5
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Attitude is 100%
Luke: Parable of the Shrewd Manager
Glin, one of the division managers for Sluggo Cola was called into the
office of the CEO one day. Goe sat in his chair behind his desk and looked
at his employee.
"Glin. I have been examining your records and think you have some
explaining to do."
"But sir, sales are up by 25% over the last quarter!"
"So are expenses. And the expenses have been rising for the last six
quarters. And some of you're numbers just don't add up." Goe squinted his
beady eyes at Glin. He sneered, "I can only conclude that you have been,
shall we say, 'skimming off the top.' I want you out of here by Monday."
A dejected Glin slunk back to his office. What could he do? All he had
worked for was gone. Sure, he had a little saved away, but what he had been
skimming wouldn't last forever. High level jobs like his didn't come along
every day, and he was to proud to go back to low level anything. After all,
there is no honor in poverty (RoA 106). And then a light bulb came on over
his head. He sat behind his desk and punched some numbers on his computer.
The screen buzzed to life and the wizened form of Gimes, CEO of Ankh-Morpork
Catering Co., Inc. appeared. "Can I help you, Glin?"
"No. But I can help you. I've been examing your records and I think we can
renegotiate your debt. You owe us 800 bars of gold pressed latinum. How
about we call it 400 bars?"
"Sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?"
"No catch."
"I'll sign." And the link closed.
Glin smiled, showing all his crooked teeth. He punched up another number
and was soon talking to the Smalk, CEO of Chik-Burgers!(R). "Let's cut the
small talk, Smalk. You owe my company 1000 bars/gpl. What would you think
about making it 800 bars?"
Smalk nodded, thumbed the necessary documents and closed the connection.
Glin spent the rest of the afternoon making calls.
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A few weeks later, Glin decided it was time to talk to his new "friends."
He called several of the debtors whom he had renegotiated things with. They
all bemoaned his loss of work and were quite sorry for him. In the interest
of good relations, several made monetary gifts from their accounts, and
Gimes even offered him a nice job. "Aren't you lucky that your company
offered to renegotiate our debt just before you lost your job?"
Glin nodded, but he was thinking about the 44th Rule of Acquisition- "Never
confuse wisdom with luck."
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It didn't take long for Goe to hear about Glin's good fortune. A casual
glance at the account's receivable showed what he had done. "That
scoundrel! He was skimming off of me, and then he cheated me even more. He
learned well. I hope Gimes knows to watch his back. Glin certainly knows
how to think for the future."
The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less
Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciation. Homo sapiens manifestation. Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Civilization! Innovation. Exploration. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution. Election. Expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation Proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World conflagration. League of Nations. Suffrage extension. Depression. World conflagration. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. Reunification. Dissolution. World-Wide Web creation. Composition. Extrapolation?
Copyright 1996-1997 by Eric Schulman .
This piece was the inspiration for the book A Briefer History of Time and led to the Annals of Improbable Research Universal History Translation Project . Reprinted from the AIR , Volume III, Number 1, January/February 1997, page 27.
http://members.bellatlantic.net/~vze3fs8i/hist/hist.html