Glen's Quotes Db (3164 total)

These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.

Legend, n.: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Examine what is said, not who speaks.

37 Kinder, Gentler Ways to Say Someone is Stupid 1. A few clowns short of a circus 2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal 3. An experiment in artificial stupidity 4. A few cans short of a six-pack 5. Dumber than a box of hair 6. A few peas short of a casserole 7. Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box 8. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead 9. One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl 10. One taco short of a combo plate 11. A few feathers short of a whole duck 12. All fizz, no pop 13. The cheese slid off the cracker 14. Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel 15. Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt 16. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear 17. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel 18. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down 19. An intellect rivalled only by garden tools 20. As smart as bait 21. Chimney's clogged 22. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash 23. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair 24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor 25. Forgot to pay his brain bill 26. Her sewing machine's out of thread 27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels 28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops 29. If he had another brain it would be lonely 30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control 31. No grain in the silo 32. Receiver is off the hook 33. Several nuts short of a full pouch 34. Skylight leaks a little 35. Slinky's kinked 36. Too much yardage between the goal posts 37. Surfing in Nebraska

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?" Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

"most Americans feel the same way about hockey as they do conservative Christianity: they want for it to exist as long as they never, ever have to encounter it."