reasons why "Santa can't possibly be a man: * Men can't pack a bag. * Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. * Men would feel their masculinity is threatened being seen with all those elves. * Men don't answer their mail. * Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly." * Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. * Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment