An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were exactly right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'"

CHASING AFTER HAPPINESS In New York City, there are eight million cats and eleven million dogs. New York City is basically just concrete and steel, so when you have a pet in New York City and it dies, you can't just go out in the back yard and bury it. The city authorities decided that for $50 they would dispose of your deceased pet for you. One lady was enterprising. She thought, I can render a service to people in the city and save them money. She placed an ad in the newspaper that said, "When your pet dies, I will come and take care of the carcass for you for $25." This lady would go to the local Salvation Army and buy an old suitcase for two dollars. Then when someone would call about his or her pet, she would go to the home and put the deceased pet in the suitcase. She would then take a ride on the subway, where there are thieves. She would set the suitcase down, and she would act like she wasn't watching. A thief would come by and steal her suitcase. She'd look up and say, "Wait. Stop. Thief." My guess is the people who stole those suitcases got a real surprise when they got home. A lot of us are like those New York thieves. We're chasing after happiness, and we grab what we think will give us happiness; however, when we get it, it doesn't quite deliver.

greetings earthlings, Yes, I know there are many other Bump's out there, but I think I am the only one that distributes literature known as Bump's World, "The Adventures of J.D. Bump" I know it sounds fictional at times, but crazy stuff really does happen to me, ie... The other day I went took a missionary, Grady Smalling (Romania) to the airport in Tulsa. After dropping Grady off I decided to visit a friend of mine in Tulsa. I took directions in my head not writing them on paper, big mistake...I turned on the right street but could not remember if his house was the 4th or 5th on the right or left, he told me to look for his old red Taurus in the driveway...ah ha...I found it on the right. The one time in my life that I am actually going to be ornery, I saw that the garage door was open, proceeded to go in through the garage door entrance without knocking, whoops, as I creeped down the hallway a lady suddenly appeared that I didn't recognize...looks like I got the wrong house...scared her to death...went out the back door in a hurry (big dog) I looked across the street and there was a red taurus which also happened to be my friend's taurus...let this be a lesson, sneak up on your friends but take better directions. Pray for my cousin Ryan who is going to Senegal with the Peace Corp...he's a true brother to me. J.D. Bump

Sometimes we get walloped with the messiness of life when we least expect it. Take what happened in Tainan, Taiwan. On January 17, 2004, a 66-ton sperm whale died and was beached on the southwestern coast of that island. Two weeks later, on January 29, authorities decided to truck the dead whale to a laboratory where they could do an autopsy. So they loaded this 56-foot behemoth on a flatbed truck and were hauling it through the streets of Tainan, when the whale exploded. Yes, exploded. It had been decomposing, of course, and all those internal gasses reached a breaking point. As the truck was making its way down a busy street, all of a sudden the whale exploded, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours. Isn't that just like life sometimes? You're going about your business, and the whale explodes. Job had something like that in mind when he said, "Man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." (Job 5:7). Citation: Lee Eclov, Vernon Hills, Illinois; source: "Thar She Blows!" AOL News (1-29-04)