I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Top 10 Tech-Influenced Action/Adventure TV Shows 1. Modem, She Wrote: Each week, our intrepid detective tries to solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever connect at 56k. 2. Micro-CHiPs: Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information Superhighway. 3. Carly's Angels: Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team of three vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's sagging stock price. 4. Hawaii 6.0: An upgraded version of the classic series. Steve McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online. 5. T. J. Hacker: A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the miscreants who canceled his TV show. 6. The Excel Files: Inexplicable things are happening to the data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be solved? The truth is out there. 7. The AOL-Team: Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and Mr. T unite to promote corporate mergers and make the world safe for capitalism. 8. Magnum, PC: This series about a crime-solving personal computer that goes by the code name Deep Blue is based in beautiful Hawaii. Season finale cliff-hanger: Will Deep Blue be seduced by the wily charms of the Texas Instruments Speak 'n' Spell? 9. The Incredible Bulk: The exciting adventures of Windows, which just keeps growing and growing. 10. Buffy the Virus Slayer: Buffy and her fearless gang of antivirus definitions stalk and kill VBS files--no small feat while wearing a halter top and high-heeled boots.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Hypocrite: Someone who complains there is too much sex and violence on his VCR.

Television: "A device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything" -- Fred Allen