When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.

God does not much mind bad grammar, but He does not take any particular pleasure in it.

One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. The student got his test back with $64 change.

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home."

A father was examining his son's report card. "One thing is definitely in your favor," he announced. With this report card, you couldn't possibly be cheating."

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. Billy Madison: Okay, a simple no would've done just fine.