The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I`m going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.

To the Owner of the Extremely Loud Bass, I have to get up at 7:30 tomorrow and your music is driving me out of my mind. I felt compelled to write to you and try to discuss my feelings on this issue, having exhausted every other reasonable alternative; I've tried kicking on both the ceiling and the walls, while moaning loudly, but the responses in each circumstance gave me to understand that my neighbors are not the producers of this horrible, horrible noise. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel used, I feel vulnerable, I feel more than a little psychotic. . . Please turn down your music. Even better, just turn it off. I realize this request may seem offensive considering that we're not personally acquainted -yet- but on many levels I feel as if I already know you, because I've been lying in bed envisioning various ways of maiming you for about an hour now. It's unlikely that I would be able to carry any of them out because most of the weapons I was thinking of using would be difficult to construct, also you're probably stronger than me, but I urge you not to think about that, and still be moved to some degree of respectable fright when I conclude that: You don't know me. You don't want to know me. Just turn it off. Jessi

"I love to sleep. In fact, the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is go back to bed." -Alicia A.

paraphrase: Every morning the alarm clock goes off--what a horrible name, the 'alarm' clock. Why can't we call it the 'opportunity clock' or the 'it's going to be a great day clock'

Did you hear the story of that important business executive who boarded the New-Orleans-to-Washington train? He was a heavy sleeper and he needed to be awakened in order to get off the train in Atlanta about five o'clock in the morning. He had a very important business engagement there so he found a porter and told him, "I want you to awaken me in order that I might get off the train at five o'clock in the morning. Now I'm a heavy sleeper," he said. "It doesn't matter how much I fret and fuss and fume or what I do to you — I have to get off the train in Atlanta. If you have to remove me bodily," he said, "you get me off that train in Atlanta." "Well, the next morning he awakened about 9 o'clock, having slept all night and having missed Atlanta, found that he was speeding toward Washington. He located the porter and really poured it on with all sorts of abusive language, almost attacking the poor guy bodily. After he left, someone said to the porter, "How could you stand there and take that kind of talk from that man?" The porter said, rather bewildered, 'That ain't nothin'! You should've heard that guy I put off in Atlanta!'" "Many of us not only fail to get off at the right station, we miss the train — and too many of us, I'm afraid, miss the train of the total gospel message. That's the reason we have to read the rest of the story — and we have to think about the walk from Emmaus."

<img src="http://glenandpaula.com/quotes/uploads/1107587149clocmain1.jpg" width="350" height="350" /> This fiendish alarm clock requires you to reassemble a puzzle in order to turn it off. There is no cord to unplug--no way short of destroying the clock or solving the puzzle in order to silence the beast. $50.

And since sleep is the purest expression of sloth, it's the only deadly sin that we can commit while unconscious.

Deciding What You Want - If you don’t know what you want, it’s probably sleep.