I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of intellectual error.

We have here the peculiarly American way of digesting Continental despair. It is nihilism with a happy ending.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do.

I am quite convinced that I have deep-seated psychological problems; however, they are what make me who I am. Since I am opposed to suicide on moral grounds, I shall not seek counseling.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM

Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat.

'Change' is scientific, 'progress' is ethical; change is indubitable, whereas progress is a matter of controversy.

Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.

The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

"If Thomas Edison's invention of the electric bulb were reported on tonight's evening news, it would be reported as a threat to the candle industry." Newt Gingrich Internet Commerce Expo '99,

"Some people complain that God put thorns on roses, while others praise Him for putting roses on thorns."

I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.

In combatting cynicism, it helps to know its source. Scratch the surface of most cynics and you find a frustrated idealist--someone who made the mistake of converting his ideals into expectations.

Cynicism is the opiate of the intellectuals. (in response to Marx's famous comment about religion)

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