BAD HEADLINES, part 1 Double Meanings From Around The World ~ March Planned For Next August ~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See ~ Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip ~ L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide ~ Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through ~ Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al. ~ Diaper Market Bottoms Out ~ Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal" ~ Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest ~ Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped ~ Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters ~ Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based ~ Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store ~ Prostitutes Appeal to Pope ~ Teacher Strikes Idle Kids ~ Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice ~ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant ~ Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin ~ Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years ~ Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One ~ Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man ~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy ~ Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better ~ 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar ~ War Dims Hope For Peace ~ If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While ~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures ~ Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation ~ Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years ~ Man is Fatally Slain ~ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say ~ Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation ~ Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation at High School ~ Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence ~ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers ~ House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate ~ Police Discover Crack in Australia ~ Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan ~ Many Antiques Seen at D.A.R. Meeting ~ William Kelly, 87, was Fed Secretary ~ Collegians are Turning to Vegetables ~ Scientists to Have Ford's Ear ~ Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water ~ Hershey Bars Protest ~ County Officials to Talk Rubbish ~ Carter Plans Swell Deficit ~ Caribbean Islands Drift to Left ~ Farmer Bill Dies in House ~ Iraqi Head Seeks Arms ~ Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted ~ Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case ~ Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents ~ Stud Tires Out ~ British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands ~ Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms ~ Eye Drops off Shelf ~ Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead ~ Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim ~ Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 ~ Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax ~ Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told ~ Miners Refuse to Work after Death ~ Stolen Painting Found by Tree ~ Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies ~ Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over ~ Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter ~ Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One ~ Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 in `84 ~ Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide ~ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge ~ Deer Kill 17,000 ~ Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead ~ Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge ~ New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group ~ Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft ~ Kids Make Nutritious Snacks ~ Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy ~ Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire ~ British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply ~ Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood ~ Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees ~ Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half ~ New Vaccine May Contain Rabies ~ Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing ~ Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing ~ Air Head Fired ~ Steals Clock, Faces Time ~ Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff ~ Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni ~ Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board ~ Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors ~ Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction ~ Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training ~ Include your Children when Baking Cookies

source: Anonymous tags: Humor