The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational (a weekly contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from the dictionary. Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly--adj., impotent. Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained. Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly.answer the door in your nightie. Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp. Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash. Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver. Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon. Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Internet--n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton. Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline. Testicle--n., a humorous question on an exam. Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers. Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he or she examines you. Macadam--n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible. Marionettes--n., residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor. Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.

source: Anonymous tags: Humor