Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats. Armadillo, v.: To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle. Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass". Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it. Bug, n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls. Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure. Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between. Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed. Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements. Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then. Stupid, n.: Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.