1. Chuck Norrisâ€™ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 4. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If youâ€™re still alive, itâ€™s because Chuck Norris loves you. 5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you canâ€™t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 6. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. 7. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. 8. Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 9. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 10. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 11. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 12. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 13. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. 14. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. 15. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Special bonus: Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more fearsome than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.