A List of Actual Quotes Taken From the Directions and Mission Statements of Organic Products Belonging to My Vegan Roommate. BY KATE BROWN - - - - "For us, it's about a deep respect for the herbs we share with you." "May each cup bring us in touch with our inner faith, and may its authentic flavors remind us of the wisdom of Ganesha." "With this, every human being created on God's spaceship Earth can evolve united." "Discontinue use if rash or irritation occurs." "Made with 71% organic ingredients!" "Migratory waterfowl: not only are the majestic flocks beautiful to behold, they provide natural fertilizer." "Help unite mankind, or we're wandering clowns!" "Inspired by a conversation between the program's co-founder and gang members." "The present never ages. Each moment is like a snowflake." "Persons with allergies to the Daisy family may be sensitive." "To simplify and enjoy life more, mix 1/2 oz. with 2 gallons hot water." "We have succeeded in liquefying crystal deodorant stones, which are 100% effective." "Don't drink soap! Dilute! Dilute! OK!" "This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration."