Encyclopedia Salesmen: Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled. If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. Some points to remember [about animals]: 1. Don't go to sleep under big animals, e.g., elephants, rhinoceri, hippopotamuses; 2. Don't put animals with sharp teeth or poisonous fangs down the front of your clothes; 3. Don't pet certain animals, e.g., crocodiles, scorpions or dogs you have just kicked.

source: Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" tags: Humor