More medical humor THE NEW ABRIDGED MEDICAL DICTIONARY (Source: Edmonton Journal, Friday Aug 4, 1995) BARIUM: What doctors do when patients die. COLIC: A sheep dog. D&C: Where Bill Clinton lives. DILATE: To live longer. FESTER: Quicker. HANGNAIL: Coat hook. IMPOTENT: Distinguished, well known. LABOR PAIN: Get hurt at work. MEDICAL STAFF: A doctor's cane. MORBID: A higher offer. NITRATES: Cheaper than day rates. NODE: Was aware of. OUTPATIENT: A patient who fainted. PAP SMEAR: A fatherhood test. PELVIS: Cousin to Elvis. RECOVERY ROOM: A place to do upholstery. RECTUM: Dang near killed 'em. TERMINAL ILLNESS: Getting sick at the airport. TERMINAL ILLNESS: Getting sick at your computer. TUMOR: More than one. URINE: Opposite of "You're out".