How to describe someone who's...uh...you know... ~ Lights are on, nobody's home. ~ A few clowns short of a circus. ~ A few fries short of a Happy Meal. ~ A few peas short of a casserole. ~ Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box. ~ Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. ~ The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. ~ One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. ~ One taco short of a combination plate. ~ Fell out of the family tree ~ A few feathers short of a whole duck. ~ The cheese slid off his cracker. ~ Body by Fisher; brains by Mattel. ~ Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. ~ An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. ~ As smart as bait. ~ Chimney's clogged. ~ Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. ~ Forgot to pay his brain bill. ~ His sewing machine's out of thread. ~ If she had another brain, it would be lonely. ~ Slinky's kinked. ~ Surfing in Nebraska. ~ Too much yardage between the goal posts. ~ Big like ox; smart like tractor. ~ A few sandwiches short of a picnic. ~ Not wound too tight. ~ Shirt size: large. Cap size: small. ~ Room temperature IQ. ~ A few box cars short of a full trainload. ~ Missing a hard-drive. ~ Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. ~ Doesn't have two wits to bat together. ~ Not the brightest crayon in the box. ~ One tire short of a Goodyear. ~ A few Pinata's short of a fiesta. ~ Butter slipped off the noodles. ~ Not firing on all thrusters. ~ Two cards short of a full deck. ~ Three dots short of an ink-blot test. ~ Forgot to use a surge protector. ~ Half bubble off level. ~ The mental agility of a used soap dish.