How Many Church People does it take to screw in a light bulb? * CHARISMATIC: Only one. Hands already in the air. * ROMAN CATHOLICS: None. They use candles. * PENTECOSTALS: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. * PRESBYTERIANS: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off. * EPISCOPALIANS: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better. * UNITARIANS: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. * METHODISTS: Two. One to change the bulb and one to check the "Manual for Changing Bulbs in the Methodist Church." * BAPTISTS: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and also a casserole. * LUTHERANS: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. And John Shearman adds to our misery: How many Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb? 1 Celebrant to bless the new bulb. 3 Acolytes to sit around and make faces. 1 Organist to write a hymn to praise the new bulb. 15 Choir singers (minimum) to sing said hymn. 1 Junior Warden to remove the old bulb and replace it with a new bulb. 1 Assistant clergy to give a eulogy for the old bulb. 100-200 Members of the congregation to answer "We will" when the celebrant asks: "Will you who witness this do all in your power to support this new light?" 5-10 people to form a new congregation using the old bulb.

source: Anonymous tags: Church