Things a Jewish Mother would never say: "Be good and for your birthday I'll buy you a motorcycle!" "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?" "Don't bother wearing a jacket--it's quite warm out." "Let me smell that shirt--yeah, it's good for another week." "I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity." "Yeah, I used to skip school, too." "Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house more cheery." "Could you turn the music up louder so I can enjoy it, too?" "Aw, just turn these undies inside out. No one will ever know." "I don't have a tissue with me--just use your sleeve." "Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me." "Of course you should walk to school and back. What's the big deal about having to cross a few main streets?" "My meeting won't be over till later tonight. You kids don't mind skipping dinner, do you?" "The sale ended yesterday? That's okay; I'll take it anyway.