Thins You'd Like to Say to Clients Gnomie Wayne Clark and I got into a discussion about customers that just insist on being difficult, and how to handle them. After our conversation, he emailed me the following humorous list of things you'd just love to tell customers at the appropriate time: Spend the money! If your car broke down that often you wouldn't hesitate paying whatever it took to get it fixed. You're right it is more important to spend ten times that on your curtains You buy a new car every year and change all the appliances in your house and you won't upgrade your PC every five years? I know it's not working you did the exact opposite to my advice and took the cheapest product! I know it doesn't work any better you went against my advice and took the most expensive product. I don't do raising from the dead. It has a grudge against you because you won't upgrade it Yes that's right D E A D, it's not playing dead - it is! An illegal operation? get out fast the cops will be there any minute. No the disks were really just some modern art, software companies throw in for your enjoyment, there was no reason to keep them No I can't think why you should have kept it when they put DO NOT LOSE THIS NUMBER on it. I won't give you the disc for free because I'm just plain mean. That's alright the boss pays me to sit on the phone for an hour and a half giving you free advice. I can't think why I would want to charge a call out fee when I've just driven ten miles across town through rush hour traffic when I have a dozen machines in my workshop waiting for me and you say it fixed itself. Ok a little bit to the left now, Ok now go ahead kick it again. Does that feel better? I don't mind you wasting my time, I have a special rate for that, it's the same rate you normally charge! Yeah it's just a computer you don't need to spend money on it, it should keep working indefinitely letting you do your job. My rates are high? You haven't seen the interest on my student loan! Yeah I like ripping my clients off by charging them little more than state of the art technology costs me to buy and install. Oh sure I'll tell you how to do my job for free. You're right you did know best when you did something you didn't have a clue about.