Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He doesn't believe in dogs. Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back! How can you recognize a burned-out hippie? He used to take acid, now he takes antacid. How far can a dog run into the forest? Half way, then he would be running out. How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2 feet wide? There is no dirt in a hole. The one who makes it, sells it. The one who buys it, never uses it. The one that uses it, never knows that he's using it. What is it? A coffin. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do fish play on the piano? Scales. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously? A receding hareline. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don't want to use it? An anchor. What has more lives than a cat? A frog. It croaks every night. What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing. What is the biggest ant? An elephant. What is three feet long? A yard. What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River? Wet ones. What won't break if you throw off the highest building in the world, but will break if you place it in the ocean? A tissue. What's better than the best thing and worse than the worst thing? Nothing. What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" It's raining cats and dogs. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. Why did Robin Hood rob only the rich? Because the poor had no money

source: Anonymous tags: Humor