Adolescence: The period when a teenager feels he will never be as dumb as his parents
Americans: People with more timesaving devices yet less time than anybody else in the world
Banker: A pawnbroker with a manicure
Coach: One who is always willing to lay down your life for his job
Dentist: A magician who puts metal in your mouth and pulls coins from your pocket
Dermatologist: One who makes rash judgments
Diplomacy: The art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock
Disarmament: An agreement between nations to scuttle all weapons that are obsolete
Efficiency Expert: The person smart enough to tell you how to run a business but too smart to start his own
Experience: The name we give our mistakes
Honeymoon: A vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss
Hunch: An idea you're afraid is wrong
Incentive: The possibility of getting more money than you earn
Kodaclone: Duplicating film.
Lame Duck: A politician whose goose is cooked
Life Insurance: A policy that keeps you poor so you can die rich
Pacifist: A guy who fights everybody but the enemy
Planning: The art of putting off until tomorrow what you have no intention of doing today
Professor: One who talks in someone else's sleep
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Rich Man: One who is not afraid to ask the clerk for something cheaper
Tact: The ability to see others as they wish to be seen.
~ Tact: The art of making guests feel at home when that's where you wish they were