Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it
Allege: A rocky platform on a mountain
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
Arson: Our daughter's brother
Autobiography: A history of cars
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do
Backward: Patient rooms at the rear of a hospital
Baloney: Where some hemlines fall
Bassinet: What every fisherman wants
Belong: To take your time
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage
Book: a utensil used to pass time while waiting for the computer repairman
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think
Budget: A method for going broke methodically
Bureaucracy: a method of turning energy into solid waste
Burglarize: What a crook sees with
Carpet: A dog that enjoys riding in an automobile
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular
Coffee: Break fluid
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
Condescend: A prisoner escaping down the wall using a rope
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps
Control: A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
Deduce: De lowest card in de deck
Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch
Diplomacy: The art of letting other people have your own way
Document: Repeating what your doctor told you in your own words
Dogma: A mother dog
Earthquake: A topographical error
Eclipse: What a gardener does to your hedge
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist
Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers
Falsehood: Someone who pretends to be a gangster
Feast: An eat wave
Fission: What Huck Finn did when he played hookey
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries
Flattery: Phony express
Geezer: Formerly known as studmuffin
Geometry: What the acorn said when it grew up
Grateful: What it takes to build a good fire
Ground beef: A cow with no legs
Handicap: A ready-to-use hat
Hanging: A suspended sentence
Hari-Kari: Transporting a wig
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does
Hunger: What the posse did to the lady rustler
Hypochondriac: A guy who won't let well enough alone
Hypothesis: What a boy says to his father on the telephone
Indecision: Under the whether
Intense: Where campers sleep
Kinship: Your brother's boat
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the best lawyer
Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.
Laundress: A gown worn while sitting on the grass
Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Midget: Center engine of a three-engine fast plane
Minimum: A very small mother
Misty: How golfers create divots
Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once
Nitrate: Cheapest price for calling long distance
Observatory: What George Washington asked his spies to do
Pandemonium: A housing development for pandas
Paradise: Ivory cubes used in craps and backgammon
Paradox: Two physicians
Paraffins: Found on the sides of fish
Paralyze: Two untruths
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
Pharmacist: A helper on the farm
Polynesia: memory loss in parrots
Praise: Letting off esteem
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy
Rampage: Section of a book about male sheep
Relief: What trees do in the spring
Sarcasm: Quip lash
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does
Sesame: A seed useful for opening caves
Sherbet: A tip on a horse race or sporting event
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark
Skier: A person who jumps to contusions
Sleet: A slipcover
Stirrup: What you do with cake batter
Subdued: Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
Subsidy: A town underneath another town
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official
Sweater: A garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly
Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension
Teenager: An adolescent whose hang-ups do not include his clothes
Teenagers: People who express their desire to be different by dressing alike
Tenure: A year after nineure
Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary
Thursday: How you feel crossing the desert on a hot day
Trapeziod: A device for catching zoids
Unabated: A fishhook without a worm
Valorous: A big animal vit tusks vot lives in vater
Vanguard: A person who protects trucks
Violinist: A high-strung musician
Warehouse: What you ask when you are lost
Wholesale: Where a gopher goes to buy a home