These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.
Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive through bank machines? If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they get it to stick to the pan? If it's tourist season why can't we shoot them? Why do they sterilize the needles for all lethal injections? What do they use to ship Styrofoam? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Every time I have the chance, I always take the road less traveled. Fewer cops.
Paul the Apostle goes into a synagogue in the diaspora. He's asked to speak to the congregation. He steps up onto the bimah and says: "I have some good news, and I have some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The head rabbi replies, "Good news and bad news? Tell us the bad news first. The good news will console us." Paul says, "Okay, here's the bad news. The messiah has come, but he's been killed." "What!" exclaims the rabbi. "That's terrible news! What could possibly be good news?" Replies Paul, "The good news is -- that's good news!"