These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.
Mr. Smith: I'm Mr. Smith. I'm here to pick up my wife's test results. Receptionist: I'm sorry, sir, but there's been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible. Mr. Smith: What do you mean? Receptionist: Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife. Mr. Smith: That's terrible! Can't we do the test over? Receptionist: Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once. Mr. Smith: Well, what am I supposed to do now? Receptionist: The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her.
After one sermon, a woman shook the pastor’s hand at the door and went on and on: “That sermon was one of the most wonderful I’ve ever heard!” The pastor, being necessarily humble, said, “Oh, it really wasn’t me. It was all the Lord.” “Oh no,” she replied, “it wasn’t that good.”
“I have no use for cranks who despise music, because it is a gift of God. Music drives away the Devil and makes people gay; they forget thereby all wrath, unchastity, arrogance, and the like. Next after theology, I give to music the highest place and the greatest honor.â€
Don't be so traditional you can't be transitional. Come up here and take a risk. {when asking people to respond to an altar call, paraphrased}
Usually, even a non-Christian knows something about the earth, the heavens, and the other elements of this world, about the motion and orbit of the stars and even their size and relative positions, about the predictable eclipses of the sun and moon, the cycles of the years and the seasons, about the kinds of animals, shrubs, stones, and so forth, and this knowledge he hold to as being certain from reason and experience. Now, it is a disgraceful and dangerous thing for an infidel to hear a Christian, presumably giving the meaning of Holy Scripture, talking nonsense on these topics; and we should take all means to prevent such an embarrassing situation, in which people show up vast ignorance in a Christian and laugh it to scorn. The shame is not so much that an ignorant individual is derided, but that people outside the household of faith think our sacred writers held such opinions, and, to the great loss of those for whose salvation we toil, the writers of our Scripture are criticized and rejected as unlearned men. If they find a Christian mistaken in a field which they themselves know well and hear him maintaining his foolish opinions about our books, how are they going to believe those books in matters concerning the resurrection of the dead, the hope of eternal life, and the kingdom of heaven, when they think their pages are full of falsehoods and on facts which they themselves have learnt from experience and the light of reason? Reckless and incompetent expounders of Holy Scripture bring untold trouble and sorrow on their wiser brethren when they are caught in one of their mischievous false opinions and are taken to task by those who are not bound by the authority of our sacred books. For then, to defend their utterly foolish and obviously untrue statements, they will try to call upon Holy Scripture for proof and even recite from memory many passages which they think support their position, although they understand neither what they say nor the things about which they make assertion. [found via http://helives.blogspot.com/2007/06/augustine-on-christians-spouting-bad.html]