These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.
When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive through bank machines? If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they get it to stick to the pan? If it's tourist season why can't we shoot them? Why do they sterilize the needles for all lethal injections? What do they use to ship Styrofoam? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Mr. Smith: I'm Mr. Smith. I'm here to pick up my wife's test results. Receptionist: I'm sorry, sir, but there's been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible. Mr. Smith: What do you mean? Receptionist: Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife. Mr. Smith: That's terrible! Can't we do the test over? Receptionist: Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once. Mr. Smith: Well, what am I supposed to do now? Receptionist: The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her.
The first time the band Sixpence None the Richer appeared on "The Late Show" with David Letterman, lead singer Leigh Nash was interviewed briefly by the king of sarcasm and putdowns. Letterman asked if the band's name was a literary reference. "Thanks for asking," Nash replied, fighting her nervousness. "I will quickly tell you. It's from a book by C.S. Lewis. The book is called 'Mere Christianity.'" Nash later admitted that she was scared, but that being on the show was a dream come true for her. Though her bandmates were laughing and Letterman was wiggling his tongue in his cheek and acting like he didn't understand what she was talking about, Nash continued. "I really want to tell you the story," she said to Letterman. "Do you want to hear it?" Letterman said he did, so Nash began her explanation. "A little boy asks his father for a sixpence, which is a very small amount of English currency, to go and get a gift for his father. The father gladly accepts the gift, but he also realizes that he is not any richer for the transaction because he gave his son the money in the first place." "He bought his own gift," noted Letterman. "That's right, pretty much," said Nash. "I'm sure it meant a lot to him, but he's really no richer. C.S. Lewis was comparing that to his belief that God has given him and us the gifts that we possess and that to serve him the way that we should, we should do it humbly--with a humble heart--realizing how we got the gifts in the first place." "Well, that's beautiful," Letterman said. "Charming."
At least 85% of all problems in an organization can be traced to the top management. This is due, in large part, to the fact that the only ones making any decisions are managers. --
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