These are quotes which stood out to me, possibly for use in a sermon someday. Their presence here does not mean I agree with them, it merely shows that I might want to reference them later. The default view is five random selections. Use the tag list on the right to view all quotes relevant to that theme.
A real person has two reasons for doing anything... a good reason and the real reason.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
FUN THINGS TO DO DURING BORING SERMONS ~ Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests. ~ See if a yawn really is contagious. ~ Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher. ~ Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs. ~ Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet. ~ Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front. ~ Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes. ~ Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed. ~ Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room. ~ Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn. ~ Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles. ~ Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone. ~ By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards. ~ While people are locating the announced congregational song, step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if directing the hymn. ~ Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not have their heads bowed and eyes closed. ~ See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks before your mother catches you. ~ Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to excuse yourself and leave the room. ~ Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing it as loud as you can.
"Did not I, through faith, conquer kingdoms, apply justice, obtain promises, stop the mouths of lions, put out raging fires, escape the edge of the sword, win strength out of weakness, become valiant in war, and put foreign armies to flight? Was I not a man of faith and a man of action in one skin? Why are the faithful so afraid of deeds for fear they should fall into 'Justification by works'? And why is Thy Church so uncomfortable with its men of action? And why do men of spirit so often have to work apart from, and even against it? Are there no longer kingdoms to be conquered, injustice to be destroyed, promises to be obtained? The Son of David is a warrior still. Must He tread the winepress alone?"
"most Americans feel the same way about hockey as they do conservative Christianity: they want for it to exist as long as they never, ever have to encounter it." http://www.collegehumor.com/?update_id=158